• Imperial Africa residence of Britleeches
• Real Africa. Peasants to mock. My lifemate thinks they're thieves and conmen
• Perfect underwater areas to pollute with our Submarines’ toilet effluent
• Fantastic opportunities to stuff as many people onto a coral reef as possible

WE, Ee-BI-Gum and Stutters, are the original 'real Africa' safari operators of every Wasini Island restaurant or diving or safari or tour or excursions, and all general canoodling, to Kisite Island Marine National Park. And don't you forget it. The locals do. Avoid the "Beach Boy" Kenya holiday menace. They copy our restaurant and diving brochures. They duplicate our restaurant menu. They mimic the way me bloke's back aches. RWeally luv, anyone would think we have no laws here ! Make notes to see our Minister and complain again. Or set Black Sally on them.

We are small and intimate, except me bloke's feet, so we can focus our attention on pwersonal enwichment. Come diving away from the Beach Boy crowds ( because they’ll con you. ) Visit Kenya's Kisite Marine Park with crowds of our divers. Be a right real Africa Charlie. We’re sooo much better at diving.

Come to Clawsless Crabbes restaurant. We go on safari and haul 'em in sacks from Tanzania, special, 'cos there's none left here. Then we stick 'em in a hot fetid shed for months for you to eat later. Makes everyfink luverly and soft. Delicious ! Just like wot they sell as "fevered" crab in rWeally good foodie places in China. So don't moan.

Let's organise a safari for you. See ? Sleepy fishing villages full of impoverished locals. Lazy tykes. No discos – just the sound of our cash counting machines. Try our safari options: a sea safari.

Gosh, we have so many different ideas to take your money, even I get confused !

For over twenty five centuries we have graced our presence here. We say anything to anyone, and everyone everything. Its conversation you see. I can’t pronounce conservation. I think it rweally means taking your money and banking it in Wimbles.

Come on over. Join this trip and the hundreds of thousands of innocent victims who have been out and who have eaten here before you - and cleaned out local stocks of mud crab in the process. We wont go on about the feral cats, the bats in the roof and the rampant damage done in the nearby marine parks. Yar-Oops.

Managed by Right Charlie Morons Vwery Limited, with few whole words of encouragement from me lifemate, and supported by a partner whose father must rweally be rolling in his grave, we work together to create for you that Africa safari and Kenya beach holiday of a life-time. On Wasini Fantasy Island.

Everyone else can’t. Rweally. So book a safari with us, and gi’us all your money !

Luv ya !

Ee-BI-Gum.

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